It's not the warm weather I mind, well not as much as certain people I know at least. The issue I have here is...well. For those of you who know me in person can testify that I'm not exactly skinny, not that I'm morbidly obese either but you probably won't see me on the runways of Paris anytime soon. To put it in a nice way I have love handles... and front handles and back handles and side handles as well. To top it off, I have something that has a charming name like bingo wings. (Don't know what it is? Consider yourself lucky and please take 20 seconds to wikipedia the term in order to read on.)
You will almost positively never find me in something with bare arms and if you do it's very certain I'm wearing a cardigan, shrug or other piece of fabric to cover up the monstrosities. I especially hate it during the heatwaves in summer and people inquire whether I'm hot and if I wouldn't want to take off my cardigan and I look at them, all red and sweaty in the face, shake my head furiously and assure them that "I'm quite fine, thank you"
Beause heaven forbid that they see any more of my flesh than they have to. I would actually rather suffer in silence with beads of sweat trickling down my face and back than scare children and elderly people or anyone who is so lucky to have ventured out in the public the same time I have.
So, even though I enjoy the sun and the summer I certainly do not enjoy the outfits I have to wear during that time. Sure, I don't NEED to cover up but the reason that I'm so self-conscious is that I'm guilty of thinking to myself, every time I see an overweight person letting it all hang out or twisting and screwing themselves into an outfit that's several sizes too small, GEEZ cover some of that up, will you? And because I think the things I do is why I'm afraid to prioritize comfort over covering up.
So, yes I know that I need the change to start with myself first. Because if I can start seeing people of all shapes and sizes wear whatever they like, maybe I will dare venture out in a more baring ensemble. Not now though... but maybe next summer :)
3 comments:
I meant it when I said, though, that I preferred seeing you in a more summery outfit than all covered up on a humid 80-degree day. I really liked seeing you comfortable in a flowy knee-length skirt and that darling t-shirt you got when we went shopping together. Outfits like that seem to bring out your curves in a flattering way.
In some ways, I can understand why you're so hard on yourself. A lot of girls in Copenhagen are SO SKINNY!!!
I do agree that it's not pleasant to see obese people trying to convince themselves that it's sexy to wear skimpy outfits that are several sizes too small on them. But it's just as bad to see normal or skinny people dress like that, too.
I've been feeling pretty bad about my body, too, especially after I got back to Portland. Haven't done much about it but maybe it's time T_T
Hey Chi, I'm also looking forward to the winter time but only because I love layering on coats and cardigans. It's just easier to stay warm in the winter than staying cool in the summer (without the help of air conditioning).
I think it's the matter of being comfortable with your body that you'll start wearing clothes you never wore before. The scariest item of clothing to me are skinny jeans. I'm so self conscious of my thighs/hips/waist. I do hope that one day you'll be more comfortable with your body - whether it's losing weight as you would like or just accepting your body as it is. You're a beautiful person.
I think you are beautiful! You know I mean that.
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