I was reading another blog when all these memories just came flooding back.
About 6 years ago my grandmother passed away. Two years prior to that, my family and I went to see a "fortuneteller" who lived in a small house in the mountains in Taiwan. She was deaf on one ear and had lost the use of her opposite arm. I've never been a huge believer and the things she said could've been said by any one of my friends. Right before I left I remembered something and asked about my grandparents (my two maternal grandparents and my paternal grandmother) She asked me to write down their birthdates and then she lowered her hand under the table and started counting.
When she finally looked up she had a glum look on her face and said: One of your grandparents will pass away within two years. I looked at her, very confused and thought: "What on earth?!? I looked down thinking to myself, is she for real? Then I asked her if she could tell me who it was. She quickly shook her head and said no and that she had already revealed too much. The only reason she did this was because she could see that it would help me.
I somehow forgot about those words but I remember spending more time with my grandparents and not procrastinate or spend more time on myself like I used to. When my paternal grandmother passed away 1 1/2 years after I had met the fortuneteller on the mountain, I didn't realize that until 6 months after. I didn't get to see her a last time before she died because I had to work and I really regret that. Of course I helped out with preparations and the funeral but by then it was already too late. Of me and my two younger siblings, I was the one who was closest to her and her death affected me the most. We were so close in many ways and sometimes I think she was the only one in my family who could really understand me.
Then a few months after the funeral, I dreamed of her and in that dream she was so beautiful and just as tall as me (she was short in real life) and I had my hand in her arm and we were walking together. There was a glow about her. I rested my head on her shoulder and just whispered: I miss you SO much and the tears came rolling down. She just looked at me and smiled her little smile and said: I know! I woke up right after that, my pillow wet with tears and I couldn't for the life of me stop crying. I went on a good 20 minutes after that, trying to be as quiet about it as possible so that I wouldn't wake anyone.
Even before the last tears rolled down over my cheeks, there was this calm and peace that came over me and I felt so happy and relieved. Maybe it was a fragment of my imagination but I'd like to think that it was my grandmother who came to me in a dream so I could say goodbye. That's when I got the closure I needed. It still hurts when I think about it but the pain is more bearable now. It will get better, it will just take some time. I still miss her so much and I always will...
12 comments:
she was definitely telling you good bye and letting you know that she is doing very well and is very happy in Heaven and that you shouldn't be sad anymore....
i dream of my mom often (she's kind of brain dead, and her body is just a shell). in my mind, she IS dead. my mom never talks in my dreams, though. just smiles or gives me an admonishing look. i miss my mom...
*BIG HUGS* I'm not really good with death, but here *more HUGS*
I think your grandmother is in a happy place and someday you will all meet again =)
p.s. fortune tellers creep me out for some reason.
awwww, chi, this is soooo sad, i cried.....well, she came to say goodbye and is in a better place now and shell always watch over you...t/k..
by the way, i dont have A blogger name but you should know me on abb..
--mz_yolanda
Thanks you guys. I'm usually okay but when there's a certain thing that triggers it then I can always feel overwhelmed by all sorts of emotions. Luckily I was at home so I quickly dried away my tears. It would've been a bit weird in a public place, no?
Aww Chi, she must've been telling you that it was okay :] Now she can always watch over you :]
awe. *hugs* didn't mean to make you cry. but your post just now made me cry. we're all sniffling now. You're right in that they are somewhere better and that they live on in us, we keep their memory alive.
My friend's mom went to a fortune teller too, told her that her only kid would die young. she freaked out and let him do whatever he wanted. Kinda bad.
Aw, Chi... :( *hug* I'm sure that was her visiting you in your dream. :) I wish I could have spent more time with my grandmothers. They were too far (me in America, them in China). Now it's too late. :\ My parents regretted not being able to go back and see their moms, so they made a point of going back to China to see my only grandfather left before anything happens. I also got to see my great grandmother again before she passed, which was a few weeks ago. But I think that even if we never physically spent time with our loved ones in their lives, they know they've been loved.
hi.. i recognise you from ABB , hope you dont mind me commenting.
sorry to hear about your gran, i feel your sadness.. i think the dream was to tell you she's watching over you. stay strong :)
Hey Chi, I lost my paternal grandmother a few years ago. Reading what you wrote struck me because I also lost a paternal grandmother in Taiwan - my other grandparents are still alive today. To this day, I still haven't shed a tear over her death although I wish I could. I admire the relationship you had with your grandmother as it's one I would love to have with any of my grandparents. I'm glad you were able to commmunicate with your grandmother through your dream. I'm sure she's proud of how hard you are working in school and understands that you weren't able to see her then.
Thank you for your comments everyone...
hi there chi, gosh i read this entry just now. your grandma found her way into your dream. dealing with losses really changes the way you look at the world. my grandma committed suicide & my dad died a few years ago. dun even get me started, lol.
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